It's been hard making an impression on anything,

Walking around this town like a ghost.

Ghosts can be haunted too.

And I'm beginning to wonder

If there ever is a place that makes sense.

It wasn't in the foundation.

I feel such disconnection. 

I think I buried my life in thoughts of 

Fear and inaction. 

The past is so vivid, so fresh. 

I look at me and wonder how I lost myself.

At what point do I need to go back?

Never can we go back.

This present is a slow mess.

Walking around like some kind of ghost.

I want to be real again.

Want to celebrate the day.

Want to figure out what makes me feel

So out of touch with this physical world.

Just a sleepy ghost wondering.

Never knowing what is real anymore.

All the while life is flying by so quickly.

So that memory persists...
But I can't waver from
The feeling I get about resurrection.
How does it all begin anew
With such long history at play?
It never could. But it would take
One hell of a renewed sense of purpose
To propagate that dead matter.
No amount of endless pavement,
Nor bright lights, nor fantasy
Could create some of the moments
That were simply natural.

Maybe we just didn't know what we had.
I don't understand my time,
And you we the best filter.
Like the whole damn world
Didn't make sense, unless I asked
You first.
All that is gone now. The bitter
Memory persists, but we can't get back.
I could be closer but I'll not try.
I'll stay on the sidelines because
I'm afraid I can't take it again.
Fucking fear.

Thoughts About A Past

Hello.
You've been going in and out
Again. Are you settled in this format?
Maybe those roots got pulled.
You sort of grew up;
Took a few hundred vitamins and
Started looking for a balance.
Thought you might have almost had it.

Goddammit Daisy, you make me smile.
You were pretty much my world
For a while. We kicked it down,
Drug it around, and finally
Took a good look at it in the light.
Now we're both quiet.
Quietly wasting away the night.
Goodnight.

I know there's a good man
Buried beneath all this;
I know that he exists.

It all comes down to this:
Found is the avant-garde
Tomorrow could bring us.

When I'm losing my mind,
And the street is empty,
A flicker shines a light

And I'm awaken fast,
Rupture sieges the whole,
I am built to control.

This man is good but lost.
He works to find the path.
That one that learning's on.

Stop with the self denial,
And the thrashing at your own spirit;
You're near it but can't see,
I'm not that good a man
As you think of me.
I have wandered, head and heart,
When I thought the chips were down
And I could tell you were sad and blue.
I might not be the man
You think you knew.
I've survived in this life
By cutting through it
Like a knife. Heart of the matter;
I found it out quick,
And people are all the same, some ways...
Yeah, you see. And that is all
Just mostly some of me.
You know much, but darker curtains
Skirt the much of stuff
I haven't shown the world.
It's mine, blessed and wicked.

Favor takes all kind of help.
Dusty jar upon a shelf,
Slide into a palm receptive to embrace.
But oh so quiet and sad;
Afraid to give too much and
Be devoured by the change.
Can't shake the past,
Don't want to.
But it lingers like a finger
Rapping table top anticipation
To what ends the eve will allow...

Kids.
So esteemed.
Caught in something.
It was big.
Tough pardon;
Evaporate.

Give me a piece of bread
I'll take it.
There ain't no favor
I can't wage.
You might be thinking
That I'm odd.
Most of us wander;
Leave without cause.

Let's just burn it.
Give in to this good thrill.
Shake and shiver
Out through the open windowsill.

You go on talking that trash.
Let's see you
When you meet it. I bet this
Moment's proud
By the way you've been reading.
I've seen it,
Feel like a fool once you see.
Then you'd be like me.

Let's just burn it.
Give in to this good thrill.
Shake and shiver
Out through the open windowsill.

Post content.
Spiral rhythm sky line
Rippling on repeat;
Treading time lapses
Found incomplete.
Surreal sonata...
Dance, dance the children do.
One a wish,
The other two come true.
Beautiful ignition;
When it cascades that horizon,
The explosion delights
In favored, awkward eyes.
Play on then, drifting
Like a firefly.

Was gone for a very long time.
I held myself to a prize,
But I lost it on the other side of life.

She looks like me,
She sings like me,
Trying to find her in the mirror;
Burn into that light again.

Blank pages never stopped this fire.
But I burned a hundred just
To stay warm at night.
And the long, late hours I admire,
But in the soft sunlight I am scared.

Because she looks like me,
And she sings so sweet,
And her eyes I meet inside the mirror;
Will I burn into the light again,
Or just burn out without a fight?

Was gone for a very long time.
I held myself to a prize,
And I'm coming back from
The other side of life.

I am simple.
I do not need much.
Good hearts, true vision,
And a warm place of my own.

I have measured this life,
And manifold it's a fucking mess.
But I navigate anyhow
Through the monotony of absence.

Do I dare disturb
What strange visions surround me?
Do I challenge all this
That has now found me, that's abound?

There is a sleeping spirit inside,
It lies in wait, it permeates from
My eyes, but I fight against it;
Too afraid to let it out and find me.

Because I'm grasping at what
Used to make me laugh, and
Stumbling faster against time and
Change, I've lost the meaning
Of almost everything.

But maybe time will sort me out...

Teetered on the perfect noose,
A dusty grave I did intend;
But followed me did my sore wound
Around like clouds, all the same.
Bet ya think I'd learn by now
About all the things that test
Your very best, your heart-
Any other part worth saving in the end.
There's this quiet lonely that
Surrounds me mostly. It's not so
Bad as you would think... Well
It's easy, anyway. Only I
Can't drive me crazy. Only I can
Keep me from another collapse.
But sometimes it is nice,
When I want some trouble,
But just a little. Hard to understand
The man I am sometimes.

I don't go to movies anymore.

But I'm optimistic I will one of
These days.

So you're passionate with no aim;
You've got a lot to talk about and
Learn from, but it's always the same.
You never bothered to understand
What is inside you, you take the long
Road out of town, that way it's simple:
Everyone rejected me.
Haven't you learned? It's all a mess.
The whole lot of it is shambles;
You have to fill your cup
With what's around you.
Any good given, take it. Any one note
Troubadour is welcome, so long as
It's promised that truth prevails.
My great fault is a lie.
I have paid for it a thousand times.
I accept it's full weight.
I only hope you can
Appreciate this awkward toss
Of fate.

Where the fuck were you
When I wasn't capable of
Sorting myself out?
You didn't carry it all, ever.
I stood before the tall,
Wooded banks and said
Let's go ahead. Let's try again.
Maybe it would have been sad,
And quite possibly dreadfully
Distant, but I guess I missed it;
Don't get it when you come home,
And say it's over.
Share that place with a stranger.
Make me run away against my will
Because some band-aid saves you
From yourself. I could have saved you.
If I can't help anyone else I'm doomed.
I don't care about me a minute.
Quite actually I bore me to death.
But now I'm left with this sad asshole;
What else can I do but be busy?
Everyday something to attend.
Somebody please fill my day,
Else I'm at Lake George looking for
The white duck in the fold,
And thinking how I feel like a
Little boy, lost in the abyss of what
Might be my final movement
In this slow sonata of my life.

If it weren't for the late nights
I'd be lost too deep in thought
About abrupt stops, big hits,
And the everlasting remembrance
Of almost love and truth.
All this change is hard to take.
All these different faces,
Meanings and places replayed.
Apparently I'm something valued...
Grasping differences abide themselves
While I reconcile bland differences
Between places; just the esoteric value
So very falsely created in vain.
I can change, I can change,
Can't do it the same.

So I pace around sometimes.
Yeah, I'm restless for a change.
Dammit, anything bigger than this
Would be just fine.
Am I so wrapped up in myself
That I can't see the beauty?
Shit, perhaps. Lazy and sloppy,
I resolve to now do what I please
And watch the fine wreck of me.