As I sit here listening to Chopin I find myself lost in the hauntingly beautiful notes pressed ever-so delicately down like drops of rain. I find, that nearly nothing I have done these last few months has granted merit of significance to my existence. I am absent of a calling, and as the years keep falling I feel failing in the fleeting of time from my youth, where everything is deeper, truer, more vibrant and newer. I always envisioned myself dying young. Is that strange? I guess its very hard to fathom so many years ahead. It would seem much more fitting to die young, while the life was at its fullest; while one would be remembered lively and happy and busy and full of such stuff as all creators find continually jealous of and longed for and strived towards.

Don't misunderstand, I have no death wish, no want of breath ceased merely because I am young. To die young is doubley hard on those that continue to live. I have traced this by my eyes that have measured the end of a few friends, too soon taken so that it would seem even a crime to occur.

I'm misguided is all. I suppose I need only obtain a destination and I will make it. For even if I fail I succeed, as almost all endevours are never fruitless. Stick your neck out there and you've got the right idea. Still- its that choice that I dwell on. That one little destination I have not yet answered that I fear. It could nearly be any-which-way. I'm awfully scared of what I am capable of doing with myself. I have a certain moral flexibility that enables me to find myself in some seemingly quite uncomfortable situations which I would find quite the opposite. We'll not delve into that at the moment.

Maybe I just felt the need to write something. It's been a while since last time I put anything in this blog and it is losing a pulse more and more with my frequenting it less and less. Ah well, changes will come, and soon I'm sure. Until then, be good, little friends of mine.

To be quite honest I'm almost absolutely certain no one enters this domain any longer. That's alright by me.