Spun round dizzy from the whirling years
That landed me back in the falling leaves
Of long Falls. How do I pick myself up,
And sort through this confusion I've
Come to feel about myself and everyone?
I'm worried about a heart,
Worried of my own,
And to what extent and what capacity
They will or won't unfold.
Sailed out of serious water to the calm,
But I looked down and the depths were
Greater than I'd ever seen.
If this ship capsizes I'm sure to sink;
Lose myself completely in the abyss
Of heavy seas that I can't understand.

I come from simple folk. We work hard,
Tend to each other in rough, direct manners. 

Never was I given to extremes
In any circumstance; never will be.
I go sweet and easy and hope for a life
That finds that pace and rhythm with me.
Too many hard truths been thrown at me.
Too many ups and downs, cold beds,
Cold love and monumental sacrifice
To bear for the sake of others. It gets hard sometimes...
So what am I to do now? Can I be the lifeboat and the sinking ship
At the same time? I don't know. 

Oh God I just don't know if I can take it again.

Lonely; I'm afraid again of this life I'm in.
I'm trying to be still and quiet. I don't want to pray, I want to do it myself.
God is there, no doubt, but right now
He needs me to stand on my own. I don't want a crutch, want to hold myself up.
Where to be? How to be? Who holds
Rightful claim to this heart of mine?
Whoever it is it must be declared. I'm
Tired of chasing ideals; want to be wanted exactly as I am. No deals, no reformations, no alterations. 

I am wholly what I want to be, plus or minus my own complications, and I'm tired of that not being what somebody wishes to see.

I want to simply be and be simple and that's not finding any part of me so I will crumble momentarily.

Maybe I'm not what you were after, after all.
Maybe it was sweet and simple while it lasted.
You start to learn the details,
See the creases up close and wonder,
"Is it the vision I want to see before me?"

Distance of physical,
Distant tonight and wondering if it's really right.
Can't help but feel a little helpless.
Can't stop my mind from brewing madness
In the ever-expanding future before me.

I could be simpler. Could fall down lightly
On the bed of a familiar house,
Tend to my mind and make myself right.
Spend the procession of years in
A quiet place and retreat from chances.

I might just run my heart down, like this.
It's all I've ever been good at doing.
Because I'm better at pushing away,
No one gets to see how much I struggle
With a given day. Easier to turn away.

Turn away, don't turn away. Stand up straight,
Don't fall for this. Come to me, stop breaking me down.
Stop caring, please stay. Are you running? Why
Am I running? What is this? Who am I to you?
What is this I feel? I'm scared. I'm scarred.

The Sleepy Watchman

Any clang or clatter
Is what my mind used to sound like
On a drive on a dark night
Through the places of my old home.
I don't speak for ghosts;
Fractures featured by small changes,
Used to be, has not, now is my home.
Wonder what the nights
Will turn me into this time...

Felt a warm wind pour over me.
Found a keepsake seemingly misplaced.
Turn it round my hand, I wind.
Pouring over in a semblance of divine.
Look to you, my butterfly.
Look and stare and long to answer
Exactly why. Attraction, action, reply.

This town made me wretched.
Kicked the life out of me
In good measure, I'd say.
Picked out a place for all my dismay.
But the boy is a calm soul.
Might watch too long
But the feelings are strong
Enough to will against my control.

I surrender.
Bow down under the changing weather.
Give me meaning.
Show that I am starting to believe.
What was once again can be.
I release.
Yours to be, to touch, I feel it, motion
Form and breathing...
This was one so performed
To increase.

The epic struggle of our lives
Is riddled with moments, rhythm, change.
You are you perpetual forward,
Caught inside a cyclone,
Motion for a pace of peace in line
With what you've always had in mind.

Resolution to a bittersweet evening
Is that my feelings are subject to my believing,
That all is temporary and true...

Let me say, it has been good. All of it.
Despite the distaste of hardened hearts,
Despite my seemingly comatose state
These past few years,
And, of course, despite my follies,
Losses and wayward viewpoints
On what it means to be close,
It has all been good regardless.

Traverse the sky by slight degrees.
Open up a mind found slumbering easy,
I pierce the limits of my connection
To what I feel and love and need.

Going to hope for something...
Going to open up again and be.
Might just take a blow or two,
Run through the fire and be discovered
More than compatibly complete.

But this night was golden.
A perfect sequence of semblance
For something always best admired;
When it happens it's a magic.

I have nearly ruined myself on poison of misunderstanding.
Evaporating underneath the sink of brown, warm water trickling
From the bottoms of pipes I sit, afraid; so worried it might stop.
Gave myself away like a cheap display,
Let my worries build and bind until I saw
All of the mess I'd left behind,
And took a long moment to pick up broken glass,
Fragments of me spread an speared into these last
Hopeless years of a good hearts neglect.

Now I'm awaken but stricken by a shift in my division.
I am about to find life but life is leaving.
Just goes to show that I've great timing.
Suicidal with this heart of mine.
Clever ways to sabotage all the good I've found,
And consecutively lost.

Me now sick of me for everything I feel and fail to see.

Two sides being worked;
One to maintain, one to subject,
In a mind of which time to reflect.

Forgive my absence to care;
Rejoice in my display of favor.
One is to behave, the other to impart.

It's a timing, weather thing.
Sometimes it's the driving rain.
Really makes you work your heart.

Simple but so unsatisfied.
The glaze and the glow of nighttime eyes.
Drenched from so much indirect.

This is where I feel the need,
And this is where my heart directs.
Fall down by the both of them.

Blame it on the best of years,
Through all my worries and my fears,
It seems that it really all worked out.