Moments, Or Make of Me What You Will

Big empty rainless, stainless skies in my eyes. As I sit in the lonely room upstairs the thoughts multiply. So what is this resistance to the present that I seem to beget? Well, whatever it is or whatever it be, I'll be facing west or east or full or free.

I came late, and no one cared. They all just sat back, listened and stared. "Why are you here?" They would sit and say to me, and "why did you come back?" They just won't let me be...

*Just fucking around with things stuck inside my head, bear with me, folks.

When I got sick, and you gave me soup, I felt better, even though I hated soup and I gave it right back to you.

We drove to the hill that night, and sat and watched the whole damn world go by all slow and quiet, and you knew, and I knew, and nobody else knew, and that made us happy to know.

Then I took myself away and found a corner of space next to the oldest building in the town. I walked around in my brown jacket and thought about taking photographs of the towers and windows; the ones we always looked at, never knowing whats behind.

One night on a walk you called me and you told me you were moving to your new place, and I laughed because you were up so late packing your things in boxes while I felt the cool crisp autumn air on the back of my neck.

We drove down a back road behind your house. I told you to stop the car and it began to rain. I told you that nothing felt right anymore, that we were distant, even if you were right there next to me. I did not know you, I did not feel you like two people can and do when they've been achieving grace in the space between them. It rained, and you cried. I said it was over, then I said, "say something... anything." You said you respected my decision but you disagreed with me.

It was only six months in, but you thought I'd have known the whole damn town by then. So you took me to the overpass near your parents house, and we smiled comfortably as the cars went rushing by. It was warm and loud and we shook the bridge a little when we jumped, so we jumped a little more, until our feet hurt and we were tired.

I didn't see you for a while, so one night I called you on the phone and you said you were not sleepy. So I stopped by to watch a movie, thinking it would make you tired, but three quarters in I was passed out on your lap and you laughed at me because I was the one who always stays awake and you had to work so early the next day.

I called into work and I was a little scared. It was your birthday and you were no longer you. I stared into your face and wondered if you would come back. They were all worried and crying and thought it pitied you and tried to make you feel weak, but I knew that wasn't right, so I gave you shit and told you we should go golfing instead. The sun was hot and we both played terribly, but you felt better and more normal and I tried not to say anything unless you said it first. I'm sorry it happened and I'm sorry you felt bad but I'm glad you're better now. I wouldn't be the same at all if I lost you.

It was the coldest night in the strangest city. We were running back to the car four blocks away in the top of the parking lot after the show. Our native company was complaining more than we were, it was so funny. We kept stopping to find a warm spot, and the bums even looked at us like we were crazy. I had to be crazy to be in the little jacket on such a goddamned cold night.

New Years Eve and we were happy and alive. It was cold, but we felt so good. It was the late show and nobody knew us. So we played and the people began to move ahead to get closer. The look of confusion was worth more than a thousand thankyous. I shook hands and bought drinks and hustled the lookers for some merchandise for us and them next to us. And that God Damned Doo Wop Band...

It was raining like a sonofabitch outside, but we didn't care. It flooded in front of the drive and we all felt like canouing, so we dragged it to the edge and grabbed the paddles. The water moved so fast, our neighbors must have thought they were drugged. Three boys floating down their street in a canou at eleven o'clock at night and we knocked over the mailbox.

I was really no one and I knew a few who were standing around outside the unknown and very small, but loud skate park. You came up to me and said my name, then asked for a cigarette, then asked me to play. You were always asking for my goddamned cigarettes.

*I didn't go crazy just now, these little excerpts are moments from my life, with different people at different times, in no particular order, or arrangement, brought upon purely by recollection. Take of it what you will, I almost never provide you with sufficient information anyways, regarding anything, because I am a useless, tobacco loving, alcoholic drummer without a band and in poor shape, who will soon be forced to jog, thought I'd rather play golf, since I think I fixed my slice just two weeks ago. Yikes, that was a long sentence. By the way, if I don't know you formally, and you've stopped by and are stopping by again, please feel free to let me know via comment, it would just be the cats meow.

-C