Coffee And Cigarettes

Coffee, coffee, coffee,
Cigs, ciggy-cig cigs.

No particular reference to the movie, by the way, which I have never even seen.

Oh, what abstractions I've been feeling as the days roll by...

*I don't know you well, but I am always wondering about you some, and then some more...

**I don't know what it is you feel, or expect to happen, and I can't promise that it won't hurt a little bit more before it is over.

***I am finding in me something for you that I haven't found for a while, but did you notice, or am I out of place again?

Trials and trouble at every corner. My own fear dragging me down to these ridiculous abstractions for fear of discovery. Discovery! The chief potential nature of man.

How I long sometimes to really free me of these open wounds I won't let heal.

Silly me, I guess. Cigarettes are my best friends. They are there, all the time, no reason, no rhyme. I am sad, but then the cigarette holds my lips together, and keeps them from the quiver and shiver of the cold, capsuled creatures that press me down and wear me out and stare and stare.

Hey coffee, you old sonofabitch, wake me up, get me there... You do, you really, really do.

O, here we go; the sedatives are setting themselves in my stomach again, and my eyes are first to notice. Heavy and hungry, and ready to drowsily drip away into the night. Well 1984 is next to my bed, and that will surely press the pillow to the back of my head, and fractions of Winston will lure me into a paranoia-panic, and my dreams will be manic with naked limbs, and summer sun, and no one around, and death and decay, and gray gray skies that glaze over my eyes, as I lay awake and wonder when it is I'll be alive without the burden of being alive.

O fractions, O fractions,
O you useless distractions,
How I long and I long
To just let it go by.
Still the night is often somber,
And the music's made for winter,
And I never resume to bother
How seldom this makes sense
When it never gets any better.

"And so they will turn from sleep and search the darkness, seeking the love their fathers have forgotten. And they will dream of her, who have not known her, and ache and ache for that lost limb forever."
-Carolyn Kizer



...who fucking cares.

-C