Back To Square One

That is exactly where I am. From the time I moved back everything has been fast, and different; now I have broken or been broken of most all the ties that bind me here, save a few necessaries, and one luxury in particular. I still play in the band I am playing in, but it is not a priority and I can't honestly say that I will come back to it after my trip. Square one is the trip. It always should have been. But, like all time between things planned, the unexpected can and does occur. A littl heartbreak, both my doing and done to me took hold. A little carelessness, booze, spendy days, and wasted nights where sleep was never wanted, but always needed. Now I have to forget this town and everyone in it. I have to remember my aim, my goal, and my drive away. This place will suck you in, like all hometowns and their histories. No more of this stupid drama and unnecessary expiation. It holds me and folds me but I won't have it. I should just leave now. I should just take my remaining few jobs and paychecks and go. Maybe I will. Probably I won't. Guess what stops me? Money. Don't you just hate it sometimes.

On lighter notes, I acquired some fabulous reading material and a monstrous green thesaurus by Rogets that can consume small children if need be, of course.

Where is the reality I seek? That one always stumps me. I'm looking very hard these days, and I feel as if it is concurrently furthering itself from my eyes; my perception. Perhaps it is because I am here, in my historical state of preserved misery. Perhaps if I were to leave, I must not stop. It may be no wise way to live a life, but if you can really show me an alternative worth the time instead then I'm listening.

I see it all the time. People everywhere around me, searching for the big truth, or the big change, or the big anything that is their big. Action is the first step. Risk is important. I am learning that more and more as time passes. People may think me foolish and irresponsible for doing the things I do, but they may say what they wish for I am never envious of their mediocrities. I am not insulting to them, either. Each man or woman may only push themselves as far as they can. Each person has only so much capacity for change. I am running at half speed right now, but we'll just see if I can't step it up a bit. No more wasting time on gainless ventures. Just a little bit more of that smoke, booze, and soul.

C.A.Dominick