That a heart would forgive
When forgiving was first formed;
A touch of something divine.
We are all so brittle, we things.
Hardly anyone is a person.
A collection of short stories
For a rainy day of reading.
I could have gathered my plums
While they were still within reach.
But I starved to watch their beauty,
And they spoiled as consequence.
How things grow again is natural.
Let us be as those.
An early blossom for new hands reaching.
Dale's Pale Ale
And the manifold perspective
Of wandering hearts all so misguided.
These days
To wrap my head around any thing
Is impossible.
It's all feel, want, need, desire,
Scared, scarred, broken, working,
Living, loving, well maybe,
And every moment is
Just a moment,
And you will attach what you want to it.
I'm starting to think
That we are all lost children.
Our damage is in degrees, but
From the things we first felt.
There's probably some design
That dictates this awkward mess.
Then again, we could all just run the chaos.
I choose to believe,
Out of simple, primitive fashion,
That what I want is my aim.
And so I want things, and people,
And people are hard things to want...
In the end I am something imperfect
And a little misguided.
I'm okay with those variables.
Let's me know I'm playing fair.
My darling,
This is a reality,
But it isn't real.
Quit your fussing and let me take the wheel.
My baby,
Trust my measure now,
I'm in love with you.
Quit your fighting and let me do what I do.
You are hurt,
And you think you deserve it,
But that's not true, no,
Give me my time to stop the hurting in you.
I want us.
All of my heart says I do.
We should see this through.
I won't give you the hurt you always knew, and I knew too.
Lately everything has been upside down,
And I'm casting wishes upon pages,
Taking vitamins and thinning out,
Running marathons in my mind
About the things I don't know.
I see the universe in twos.
Always a pair, in every way.
I calculate accident percentage,
I know where to buy my fruit.
I can find anybody's lost remote.
I see the last episode of this present life.
I see the counterpart of many halves
Made whole again in forward days.
And the hardest thing is to be loved.
And the easiest thing is to love.
Remember me as an old photograph
Stuck inside the tattered pages
Of a forgotten book.
I, in my youth, was fearless.
Don't take me by the changes I've been charged with. They have done much to make this man disguised in time.
We are all once upon a year young and fearless.
Life can take you places you didn't think existed.
So be an old photograph, forever, in your mind. Be that fearless wandered, bereft of weathered time.
A long scanner in the dark tries to break the static, with a caller on the line, looking for an answer, but the answer is time, and time takes its measure the same as always. A brave thing it is to dance, and stock up moments for recall, the bliss of memory's keepsake, to be turned over and over again, like prized records spinning around the lazy hours of afternoon comforts. The soft light that bleeds through blinds creates a blanket across the wooden floors. This is yours. This is your place of changing and exchanging all that you have said and done and been before. There have been many who found their way inside, but none were ready, not even I. But how I wanted to be, and heady was the wake of my bow through the waters of your heart. I understand, now. I am no life raft, no just a buoy floating along. You know you're close to it all, but you've got a journey to troll. It's just another rap in the dusty, broken book of change that sends you here and there, so on you must go. I am not sad, no not the least. I am quite thankful, that your warm heart brushed against mine a moment and reminded me that these things are the best of all. We were meant for a time, and perhaps someday again, but my butterfly, you must glide to your own fair flower in the wake of your proportionate measure, and not one person or thing can tell you otherwise. Remember this: the beauty and bounty of your being are timeless and wonderful. I've seen your sweet spirit, if only for a moment, and I have noticed how it glimmers long and bright inside the ripples of my heart. We are children of sunshine and water. We behave with the inconsequential lust of our hearts. You have made me a better man. I want to say thank you for that.
My heart hurts
I don't care who knows it.
Fell in love with a wave,
It crashed me into nothing.
Now I don't know where I'm headed
Don't know what I do and don't regret
Just feel hollow, core all gone.
I crashed into nothing, this is my song.
Wake up sweating
Pounding in my chest.
Don't eat, don't sleep,
Can't imagine feeling like less.
Someone ripped a delicate thread,
The one that opened me up
End to end, and I can't sew
And I don't know if I have the thread.
Strange boy, stuck inside this man.
Was he always sleeping?
Did he forget to be brave all this time?
End to end
Half measured meaning, hiding
Behind the shell,
It has been cracked
And now I feel like a living hell.
*What is now cannot be forever.
What is lost must soon be found.
I'll bury this version, that much is sure.
Brave the pain for another round.
I'm a weirdo.
Uniquely the same as everyone else.
I am lost, like a child sometimes.
The very breath of me is taken straight from the waking
Of my eyes in the morning.
I lose control, so much.
But I always have two feet to stand upon.
I don't want to numb this problem.
I want to feel it sink deep into me and
Cultivate some new thing out of me,
And bind my loose ends and untie my tight holds.
I guess I'm broad and simple.
I live for the learning of it,
Probably don't take enough chances,
But love and do the best I can at all the other advances.
I want love.
I want it very, very much.
I want to be wanted, needed even,
To be a place someone else can go
When the world makes them feel this way.
Who would offer up such a measure?
Who could willingly unfurl their heart to mine,
Bind in a unison,
And go on this adventure of life together?
This is the only question I seek to answer right now.
Because I'll find a new venture.
I'll make a thing for myself that appeals to my higher nature.
I'll best my best again and again.
What good does it do to someone who wants nothing from you?
Selfish, careless love.
It's all I'm seeing in the world.
If I keep my heart on my sleeve,
If I keep allowing myself to be crushed
Will it change a person's mind someday?
The beginning of the end
Is a quickened heartbeat, close to another,
Not out of excitement,
But to close the moment without a fray.
The beginning of the end
Is a distant step away from love,
Measuring the distance to ensure safety
When the collapse finally hits,
Ah, but the end is also a beginning.
It becomes a beautiful cocoon of change.
There is always struggle to break a chrysalis,
But the end result is living without stop.
....
I chain smoke and realize I need to button up my loose ends.
In love with a ghost. She's the brightest light I've ever seen.
But bright lights don't shine long.
All the beginning began and ended somewhere inbetween.
She's not going to keep me.
It's just another pass at thinking about one's life.
I've been a stepping stone before.
I'll hope for a doorstep I'm welcome to cross.
Try once, I'll fight.
Try again, I'll bend.
I'm not that stupid, not anymore.
I love wholly,
And everything else is second in line.
What else would bind a people,
If not that one good thing?
Careless love.
It entered into us like a wave.
You rescued me from myself.
I rescued you from a sad past.
Now your scent ruminates my mind
Like stale flowers that were gifted,
And I just don't want to let go.
I can't believe I'm writing this.
Because when I write it it usually comes true.
So now let me write that I'm madly in love with you,
And you feel the same way too.
Please come to me and feel the love for me
I've never had. Someone has got to love this man...
Someone, goddamn.
