Fire

How much fire do I have in me
Before I finally decide it's time to sleep?
I try, try so hard to work it all out,
But the words, the feelings keep me up,
And I can't kill them no matter how hard I try.

It's like a speeding car coming up to a curb.
You wanna slow down so you don't kill yourself,
But the thrill of what's next keeps you going,
And fuck slowing, when that's the only
Mentality that you know by now.

I want to get a grip, but I tighten my grasp,
And comfort slips from my fingertips,
And I just keep holding on instead of
Letting go like I ought to. Another hour
Should do it. I'll stew in this until I'm through with it.

Burning, burning; the whole house is on fire.
I pace around restless and aimless,
Noises poised inside my ears shouting at me,
Telling me the things I know and feel all along,
And so I have no choice but to shout right back.

Maybe I'll self-induce me in a coma
With some drug that will push me into a sleep
Where my mind alone can ring out all this mess
Without my body feeling the effects so vividly;
I will push myself into the abyss of dreams.

And in the morning, when I'm disoriented,
Wondering what the hell happened the night before,
I will be calm and steady and make the coffee,
And ponder the essence of why
I am forced to beat me out of me every night.