A Song For November While We're Still In October

I have a new song playing on this page, in case you hadn't noticed. Hey lady, you were right, this song is wonderful.

It is a bit sad though, too. Ahh, we silly thinkers, we always like the sad stuff a little more than anything else. You know why? It seems more real.

We go on throughout our lives remembering good and happy things, and we remember them just fine, but that hard, fast, holding pain of life always seems to draw us in a little quicker than anything else. The triggers are small, simple, and many. The reaction is as vast as the mind will allow. It only makes sense. The human body is designed to weep. It is very frail and very symbolic and very tender and very capable of unlimited expanse of the collective thought processes. It is embodied with more emotion than anything I could ever elsewhere conceive, simply because it has found so very many ways to express its emotional pain besides simply crying out or walking wounded.

Truly Human. Truly loved and lost and frail. Nothing in the mind can be measured except by the mind, and if it can be seen in the mind; if it can take physical form, than it can be done.

...still, this sad song moves along and the words I half-hear because I am so caught by that beautiful rhythm that is backing them. I wish I had been better to music. I wish I had wanted it more, for I would create it with the love and respect of a musician who wanted it enough to make himself capable. I listen to this and I know that I can create such beauty with my hands, mind, and voice. Well, maybe not my voice, but I could do it with my hands and head. I hear songs in my mind I've never know all the time and wish I could just work them out on my own instead of always hearing them resonate inside me. All in due time, I suppose.

I did not find resolve this evening, oh no. No matter, it will come too, with time. I hope only to sleep and dream a good dream for once this week; all week long my dreams have been so hard on me and I awaken hurt, confused, and sad. I don't want to find sadness in my sleep when in my waking life I listen to songs like this and am reminded of so much of it. There is so much of it that I have known. That seems silly, since I am but 22 years old and nothing of life has even grazed me, but it is there all the same. It is in the people. The people make and break your years and cause your every function, right or wrong. We are never alone whose heart is not somehow consumed with the want of companionship in another. To be alone, to know that ultimate want for others, is to understand how very frail and fragile we as human beings are.