The Unbecomings of A Broken Man

I turn on the light and open the browser; click the link and hit "create new post." Thinking, "maybe something will happen tonight." I guess thats not really the point. I haven't been myself too much lately. I think I very easily have forgotten who it was I was in the first place. I feel that I have destroyed alot of relationships with people I have known in the previous year; and that I have defamed my own character by actions unfit for the person I sometimes boast I am. I am not that person right now. I don't know where he went, when he fell, and why he couldn't make it out without carrying all this clutter with him in shame and illusionary form.

...I listen to a song presently that reminds me of winter here in town. This particular song has a soft introduction with a piano and it always makes me sad but with a clarity in the sadness, as if all along I was supposed to feel this way, and that it is the appropriate feeling to feel. I often wonder about that, too. How I should be feeling at particular moments when resolution takes avow. Well, that is another dilemma all of its own.

Mostly I am weary for the past few months and the actions I have taken with the people I have met and known. Nothing of true and tragic disaster has taken place, but subtle occurrences have made it so that I feel, and seemingly am now apart from the few people still around here that matter, or mattered to me. For those of you who may read this and know what I am vaguely addressing, my apologies for any pain or ill-manner I have caused. I have now learned to keep to myself these days.

That is precisely what I have been doing now for the past few weeks-- keeping away from anyone whose presence is less fortunate by my own. I understand that I am making this out to seem a little too much on the dramatic side; it is a little more black and white, but then again you are getting my perspective of things and how I have perceived them. After all, this is my blog. It seems a silly enough concept now after having it for all this time. I should save all this angst and simply use it towards a better project of my own rather than always giving you the inside track. Thus far it has done me no true good. Many of the people who read this have been affected, and not necessarily positively by it, which has in turn caused some of this lamentation I now endure. For that too, I apologize.

It is late and I am unresolved, therefore I will return to my solitary state of being and try to seek some clarity from the present mess that is my life. I blame it on having too much free time. I should engage myself in something of substance and keep my mouth away from the drama's and dilemma's that reak of adolescence and unnecessary circumstance.

Yours respectfully,
C.A.Dominick